Chapter 8: Was It Worth It?
(This is chapter 8 of "Up and Out," a book condensing my long experience about how to best help poor people. I pledged earlier to get it up online as soon as possible, so it would be available for free to everyone trying to cope with helping the Katrina evacuees.)
(These are not the things that need to be done during the first part of this emergency. Rather, this is for the time after that, when Katrina evacuees will be moving from getting immediate emergency assistance to trying to normalize their lives. That is when good programs to help them "up and out" of their situation need to kick in. The following is for that time.)
(For other chapters, look under "Categories" at the left and click on the chapter you want.)
"UP AND OUT: A GUIDE TO TRUE COMPASSION FOR THE POOR"
PART 1: THE AMERICAN POVERTY TRAP
Chapter 8: Was It Worth It?
The Sexual Revolution had consequences that no one intended; tremendous harm to children, and to the poor. For a generation that prized child-like things and fought for the poor, that goes beyond irony. But the harm done was more to others than to the generation that brought us the Sexual Revolution.
So let us put a big question to that generation about their handiwork. Clearly it was not good for others. But was the Sexual Revolution worth it to them? Did it bring them what they hoped?
And let us allow them to answer that, not in terms of what was good for society, but solely in terms of their own self-interest, if they like. Was it good for them in a purely selfish way? Did they get what they said they wanted? And regardless of what they said, did they get what they really wanted? (Because what we say - or think - we want often turns out to be not what we really wanted after all.)
One more thing: let us consider only those answers based on supportable facts, not on mere wishful thinking or opinion.
So did they get what they wanted? What do the facts say?
After some 40 years, the grand experiment in new values has been run. The studies have been done. How did it work out? Did the new values prove to be better than the rejected values of the prior generation? Were they more helpful to society? Do we have less poverty? Less crime? Are we all happier?
More specifically, how did the Sexual Revolution work out? Did it fulfill its promise of making a less aggressive, less violent society by getting rid of sexual repression and inhibitions? Did it make society safer? Or healthier?
On a personal level, did it make relationships better? Happier? Did it result in happier children? Did it even result in better sex? How did it all work out?
Let us look at what the studies have shown. In previous chapters we saw the effects of the Sexual Revolution on society. It hurt the poor, children, marriage and the family. It increased the amount of violent crime. It increased levels of abuse of women and children. Instead of increasing gentleness and peace, it increased violence. It also increased levels of coarseness in the society. The evidence is massive that it harmed society rather than helping it.
But what about on the personal, purely selfish level? Were there personal gains so great that it was worth it all? Gains so wonderful that harming society as a whole was in some way justified? If not great gains, were there at least small gains?
The results are in on how the grand experiment with sex affected us on a personal level as well. Numerous studies have now shown that marriage is superior to any other living arrangement! It "...lengthens life, substantially boosts physical and emotional health, and raises income over that enjoyed by single or divorced people or those who live together." [1]
First, marriage improves health. Married and widowed women live significantly longer than single or divorced women. Married men live longer than men who are single for any reason whatsoever - widowed, single or divorced. [2]
Second, marriage also "...changes people's behavior in ways that make them better off." [3] Married people monitor each other's health. Marriage also causes sharp drops in bad health berhaviors, such as use of alcohol, marijuana and cocaine. But single people had sharp increases in thes behaviors during this study.
Third, married people, both men and women, are happier. [4] In a University of Wisconsin study, people who remained married reported significantly higher levels of happiness than the ones who had remained single. In addition, marriage appeared to reduce levels of depression in both men and women.
Fourth - in perhaps the unkindest cut of all - it was discovered that married people have better sex! [5] And this after the whole Sexual Revolution had obsessed on having better sex. Bummer!
Married people have sex twice as often as single people. They find sex more satisfying than couples who simply live together. Professor Waite notes that married people even "...get more out of sex than sex." [6]
People will do a lot to have better sex, and more of it. They may try having many sexual partners, or more attractive partners, or kinkier partners. They may try being unfaithful to a spouse, perhaps putting an entire marriage at risk. They may chase stimulation, trying drugs or pornography or prostitutes or "gentlemen's clubs." Many will try almost anything. But apparently they overlook the very best, the most satisfying sex - that which is most often found only in marriage.
So what can be said, factually, after a trial run of around 40 years of the great experiment of the Sexual Revolution that pushed unmarried sex?
First, that it was a great con. Its promise of making things better was false.
Second, that it did the opposite from what it claimed to do. Instead of making society better, it made it worse.
Even on an individual, purely personal and selfish basis, it was worse, not better, for those who tried it. What it trashed, sex inside marriage, turned out to be superior in every measurable way. What it did produce was terrible: not only did it harm society, hurt the poor, lead to more violent crime, more misery, but it also led to - worse sex! Which is a little funny, but mostly sad.
[1] Linda Waite, Professor of Sociology, University of Chicago, at the 2nd annual Smart Marriages conference Washington, reported by Hara Estroff Marano of the New York Times and reprinted in the Austin American Statesman, August 9, 1998.
[2] From a large national sample of adults followed for 18 years beginning at age 48. Cited in Waite, op. cit.
[3] Detailed reports of 50,000 men and women, followed from senior year in high school to age 32 by University of Michigan researchers. Cited in Waite, op. cit.
[4] Nadine Marks and James Lambert, psychologists at the University of Wisconsin, in an article published in The Journal of Family Issues, November 1998, on a study of 13,000 adults assessed in 1988 and 1989, and again in 1992 and 1993. Cited in Waites, op. cit.
